Tuesday, March 29, 2005

This is a little ditty entitled....

"How I fell in love with everyone who posts to the blog"

Oh, hello. I have not posted in about 57 years because I don’t really have anything new to tell about. However, I came up with a genius idea… yes, two genius ideas in two days after I called Kate on Sunday to furiously con her into letting me borrow her digital camera so I could take pictures of my shit and sell it on Ebay. This post is entitled, “How I fell in love with the other people that post on the 20 Narry blog.” And I have to say, this is an eerily accurate recounting of all the tales (it took me pretty much all afternoon. It’s probably the best blog I’ve ever done.) Here goes:

How I fell in love with Josh: Scene: 9th grade gym class volleyball. Now, I knew Josh but we weren’t really close friends. I had made this necklace with these brown stones on it (yes, I made it you assholes). I noticed that Josh was wearing the same necklace.
Me: Josh! We have the same necklace! Where did you get that?
Josh: Canobie Lake. Where did you get yours?
Me: I made it.
Josh (places hand on hip): JUST because I got mine somewhere out of state DOESN’T mean you can tell everyone you made yours. As we loked eyes, I realized that Josh was as downright mean as I was and that we were meant to be together. That was my future biffle.

How I fell in love with Kate: Well obviously everyone knows this story but I have to tell it again.
Scene: 1st day of classes at Salve, Dr. Joan David’s Pell honors English class with all these weiiiiiirdos (does anyone else remember Angela from New Bedford besides me and Kate?)
Me (in my head): DAMN! Look at all these losers! I have to transfer.
Dr. David (calling role): Kate Howard?
(I look at Kate suspiciously. We are sitting next to each other coincidentally)
Dr. David (calling role): Jennifer Paolozzi?
(Kate looks at me suspiciously)
(Dr. David finishes)
Kate: Don’t I know you?
Me: Aren’t you from Warwick? My best friend in first grade’s name was Katie Howard!
Kate: Did you play Apponaug Girls Softball?
Jenn: Can I grab your boob? (Ok that didn’t really happen but we didn't know then what we know now)
Then I spent about 3 days trying to convince Kate to move into Miley so we could be closer together cause she was the only person that I didn’t totally hate at that point… cut to two weeks later when we sat in Kate’s room all day eating, playing Snood and talking about how Kate thought Erica hated her/How I was afraid of Erica and downloading penis songs on the computer.

How I fell in love with Erica: Well, as we all know I was deathly afraid of Erica for all of first semester freshman year and her very manly Birkenstocks (I don’t think I had ever been that close to anyone wearing them as of yet). There were many occasions that I found myself realizing that she wasn’t so scary (like when she let me use her computer to play Snood) but here’s what really sealed the deal:
Scene: Miley Hall, 3rd floor, a Friday night.
Erica: Jenn, have you ever had Captain Morgan?
Me: Noooooo Erica I haven’t! (thinking to myself: Oh GREAT! We’re going to get wasted!)
Erica: Ok, here’s some Captain and coke it’s really good.
Me (three drinks later): HEEEEEEY let’s drink this Captain Morgan out of this coffee mug!
Erica: OK!!
Me (three drinks after that): HEEEEEY let’s go get the Captain Morgan out of Melissa’s room!
Erica and Kate in unison: OK!!
Then before Kate began to gorge herself on microwaved s’mores or something Erica and I began to list things we had in common like getting hair in our asses while showering or something.
(Cut to three hours later)
Erica: Quick! Put your head in the trash bag! YEAAAAAAAY you have the best aim!!

How I fell in love with Betsy: Scene: Dr. Monteiro’s freshman year sociology class, where Tom Toohey ran his mouth about anything he was thinking about at the time. I sat in that class trying to control my utmost distress (a.k.a. trying not to bawl my eyes out) about how much I wanted to kill Katie Govoni and her mole-like ways.
Betsy: Hey you live on my floor right?
Me (bursting out into tears… picture that right! HA!): YEEEEEES I HATE MY ROOMMATE I HATE KENDALL DO YOU KNOW KATE SHE IS MY ONLY FRIEEEENDDDD
Betsy: Uhhhh ok, it’s ok, I am friends with Kendall I think you should go talk to her she will totally understand!
Me: But I haaaaaaaate Kendall she is so mean to meeee!
Betsy: I will tell her your roommate sucks! Come over anytime you want to talk! Want to come over?
By the time we got back to Miley Betsy had me totally convinced to tell Kendall all my problems, to watch Friends with her on Thursday and also told me to beware of coming over when only her roommate was home.
Betsy, tell me you totally remember that time we worked on that group project with that bitch Caitlin and Tom Toohey!

How I fell in love with Erica J.: Now, although I did not know Erica until the end of junior year, that does not make this story any less romantic. Ok, here is a little information about me….. I don’t know if you know this, but I am not very comfortable around people I don’t know. (Can you believe it! Me either! I can’t believe I never told anyone that.)
Scene: Kate’s room, a night before one of our parties.
Kate: I think I am going to invite Erica Johnson and her roommates to our party tomorrow night.
Erica: YEAAAAY!! I LOOOOVE PEEEEEEEPOLLLLLLEEEEEE!!! People at our house? Party? Party? Party? Road trip? (Tail wags)
Me: Um…. Well I don’t know her…… or her roommates….
Kate: Don’t worry, you will like her she’s really nice.
(Cut to three hours later…. people are starting to come over…. I am not yet drunk)
Me (Slaps hand to forhead): OOOOOOOH people I don’t knoooow are commmmming… I’m not coming to the partyyyyyyyyy (ok, I didn’t really do that, but can’t you just picture it)
Kate (starting to get pissed): Jenn!! It is ok that they come over. ERICA JOHNSON IS MY FRIEND, she’s not going to bite you!!
(cut to about 3 hours later, we are all well in the bag and I have talked to everyone I didn’t know)
Me (yanks Kate into downstairs bathroom, successfully knocking over about 14 previously used liquor bottles): KATE.
Kate: What.
Me: I LOVE ERICA JOHNSON!
Kate: Jenn, I told you she was nice. You should talk to people you don’t know. They aren’t that bad especially if I told you they were nice.
Me: Ok. I totally have to go find Erica Johnson right now and tell her I love her.
Kate: Ok. You go do that. (Insert eye roll here)
(I furiously run out of the bathroom to find Erica and profess my undying love to her as she looks at me like I'm some kind of lunatic.)

18 days until MIAMI! And may I say, Te voy a mandar para la luna! Ok, I’m off to eat some stale Peeps. Peace out.

4 comments:

Betsy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Betsy said...

Ok, that was my comment, but it turned really long so I decided to turn it into a post. I figured I would confess now because people would be wondering and making comments about the deleted comment.

ericasue said...

Oh its good thing you confessed to the deletion Betsy because I was really curious. And yet I'm still making a comment abut the deleted comment.

ericasue said...

Now, although I did not know Erica until the end of junior year, that does not make this story any less romantic. Aw I love that! This has to be one of the best. posts. ever.

Jenn how you and I never got to know each other until that late is beyond me. I think it was the fact that I visited Reefe only once and was disoriented that it was Hunt, only flip-flopped. But I vividly remember you saying you loved me at that party!