Ronald Must Die

I really needed a caramel sundae.
I was home alone the other night, and it was only like, 8 p.m. I thought I would pick up a caramel sundae from McDonalds, the only proper place, and try like hell to avoid eating it until i was home, warm in my bed. In one hand would be my caramel sundae. In the other would be the remote, clicking through the second season of Sex & The City before I have to return it to Netflix. Yes, I actually HAVE to return it, because I can't afford Netflix anymore.

Anyway, I got to McDonalds and entered the drive thru, since I always drive thru and since I was wearing pajama bottoms and no bra. I pulled up to the speaker and scanned the menu absent-mindedly, wondering if I wanted nuts. I noticed that the dessert section now had McFlurry's and hot fudge sundaes. No caramel. Hm.

"Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order please?"
"Oh, hi, can I get a caramel sundae please..."
I trailed off, trying to decide if i should ask for the extra caramel on the bottom, when to my surprise, she interjected.
"We don't have caramel."
"Um, excuse me?"
"We don't have caramel."
"Oh, crap. OK I'll have an oreo McFlurry."

I drove around in a panic. Maybe they just ran out. Maybe it's just this McDonalds. On the way over, I had been contemplating whether I should go to the McDonalds on West Main or East Main; maybe I had just made the wrong choice and I was being punished.
I pulled up to the disinterested looking Hispanic girl at the window and handed her my $2 and change, far more than I should be paying if I were getting my $1 caramel sundae.

"So," I said, trying to act composed. "Are you just out of caramel or do you not carry it anymore?"
"We don't have it anymore."

My face dropped. I looked at her sadly, and I told her quite honestly that this was the saddest thing I have ever heard in my life. She smiled politely.
I went home with my McFlurry and made a couple frantic phone calls, trying to find out if this was a McDonalds-wide phenomenon. Jamie confirmed that she in fact also had tried to get a caramel sundae a few weeks ago, to no avail. Oh my god.

So, yesterday afternoon I went to my Memere's house to bring her some oatmeal in the hospital. I went instinctively to the fridge for a Diet Pepsi, and there in a blaze of glory was a bottle of caramel on the door. I reached and swiftly pulled off the cap and squirted it right into my mouth-- about a full mouthful if truth be told. God, it's good. McDonalds be damned.