Monday, April 04, 2005

And they call ME a horny bitch

In all my disdain when I realized these fucking dogs get their periods, I forgot the other key part to being in heat.
The damn dog keeps humping its mother.
Poor Elsa, who is so old she walks while shitting, keeps running around the house trying to get away from Poor Tara, who can't stop humping even when there's nothing there. She's air-humping, just wandering around in a squatted position till she happens upon something humpworthy. Don't they know they're related and doesn't Tara know she doesn't have a dick?
Also, if only dolphins and humans have sex for pleasure, that doesn't mean they're the only animals who have pleasure in sex, does it? Does anyone really care? I don't, I just want the dog to stop humping everything.

Animal updates-
Bats: still fucking tweeting. I threw a rock at the bushes where all the noise is coming from to see if anything flew out, but apparently nobody was bothered by my lame throw.
Cat: Fred "The Killer" has taken a hiatus on the mice and seems to only be eating Whiskers.
Dogs: In the words of the Divine Miss M, "quite horrrrny animals"
Pokey the tortoise: loves the broccoli

"House" updates-
Landlady status: The Divine Miss M is still in Paris. Apparently Zup is flying out to meet her there, so no need to prank call his house this month. Also, discovered interesting love letter from Zup to Miss M during routine, three-hour snooping session with Jenn this weekend. It goes a little something like this (highly condensed version), written carefully on the worst construction paper heart I've ever seen:
"Every roe has got her buck,
And every dumb its cluck.
Every up has got its chuck,
And every rink its puck.
SO every cock has got its suck,
and every nip its tuck.
Won't you be my February ___ ?"
As if that's not disturbing enough: Apparently she refers to me in correspondence with friends as "Kennel Girl"
Fridge: I have commandeered it and taken all of Miss M's vitamins out. Kava kava be damned, I need room for my Laughing Cow cheese.
Hair: highlights are slightly green tinted on account of the well water, I think. Suggestions solicited.

2 comments:

Josh said...

those fucking bats. they kept me up all night, well that and Erica's sleep talking about a girl in a skirt.

Kate said...

i think what you may not realize is that YOU keep yourself up all night... I distinctly remember waking up Erica to tell her that you were wheezing like a vampire.
Don't ask me what that means, it made sense at the time though.