Friday, April 08, 2005

Why bats are ruining my life

Top 10 reasons why bats are ruining my life:
1) Since they tweet all night, I have to keep the TV on to drown it out. Since I don’t have cable, I have to put on a DVD like Finding Nemo. I know all the words to Finding Nemo, so that keeps me up anticipating the next scene, and if I put on something I haven’t seen, I can’t sleep for fear of missing something good.
2) They give me one more reason to be scared of going outside.
3) They make the dogs bark.
4) I don’t know how to harvest guano and make money off them like in Ace Ventura 2.
5) I’m afraid to open the door for too long, because if one got into “House” I don’t know if I’d even cross paths with it again, depending on which way it turned.
6) {*Tap Tap*} is that a bat trying to get in the house? {*Bang Bang*} is that a bat flying into the window? {*Hump Hump*} … no, that’s just the dogs.
7) Every once in a while, they fall silent. Just one Adolf Hitler type keeps on preaching and next thing you know they are all roaring in appreciation again. And I wonder what they’re plotting.
8) Betsy said they might actually be cicadas. When my Weatherbug came on today and started chirping, I thought it sounded vaguely familiar. Oh, hell, just get me out of this damned house.

No comments: